Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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