Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
