I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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