mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
