New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
