Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
