I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
