I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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