just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
