I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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