I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
