She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
