I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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