Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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