I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
