So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
