Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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