I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
