even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
