God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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