Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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