I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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