i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
