p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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