drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
