so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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