I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
