I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
