It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
