i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
