omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
