I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
