I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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