I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
