We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
