something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The adults are the big ones right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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