He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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