i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
