can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
