i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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