i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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