is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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