Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
