dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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