Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
