margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
