Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
