I accidentally had phone sex last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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