just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
