Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
