Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
