Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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