My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you. Go after that dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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