I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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