you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
