Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
