he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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