Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
