i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She's better-looking with the mask on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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