So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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