i came on her dog
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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